Why Should They Care?

I recently started a journey on this amazing website, a place to find likeminded individuals. I’m enjoying seeing through the eyes of another through their writing. It makes me so happy to know that there really are other people out there that are genuine and kind and full of all the emotions I’ve felt my whole life.

I’ve always been a very emotional person, sometimes overly emotional. When I read a piece and it feels like I wrote it myself, I know I found my people.

As amazing as it is, it also makes me feel super small, smaller than a grain of sand small. As I read through the work of others I ask myself why anyone would want to read my words when there are so many others out there with words that outshine mine tenfold. Honestly, I don’t know how people make themselves well known in a world where everyone is fighting for that position. Not just fighting for it, but having the capability to do that, when I’ve over here just barely keeping my head above the water.

No, I don’t write specifically for everyone else, I write for myself. At the same time, when you have this drive inside you to change the world, to make it a better place, being heard is what you want. I envy all those people that have the ability to make a change in the world. I also hate that most of them choose not to change it for the better. All I want to do in this life is to show as many people as I possibly can that it’s ok to love yourself. That there are still good people in this world. That you can change for the better, it’s never too late. I want to make a difference. Like MLK, Mother Theresa, and my favorite “fab five” boys. But the question in my mind is always, how?

I know, I know, I’ve heard it at least a gazillion times. Just keep writing, keep showing love and kindness, keep pushing through. Don’t worry, not doing that isn’t an option. I’ve read all the things that say, consistency is key. I will continue to be consistent. I just have to figure out a way to get the message out into the world so that it’s actually HEARD!!! Being consistence is not the issue for me, it’s people seeing/hearing it. That is where I’m falling short. Most people don’t want to change for the good. Most people would prefer to keep things the way they are. Either they see my happy, and positive posts and scroll right past them, or they don’t see them at all. If that’s the case, I’m screwed because I have no idea how else to do it except through these avenues that are saturated with people trying to be heard as well. When I look through the posts that are the most popular it’s usually the negative ones. People are just drawn to negativity for some reason. That’s something I will no stoop down to.

Honestly, I don’t know what prompted me to write this. Just this little nagging in the back of my head that tells me that I’m not good enough, nor will I ever be good enough to make that big of a difference. Who even am I besides some random lady everyone walks by and doesn’t see? It doesn’t matter how hard I try, who would want to listen to me? I’m literally a nobody (to the world, not myself).

I don‘t know what the future holds, even if I never make it where I really want to be, I know that I will die trying.