To Hurt Someone

Watch what you say, and to whom you say things to. Not everyone has your best interest in mind.

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Acting

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Why do some people feel like hurting others, especially when those folks haven't done anything wrong? Honestly, I don't think anyone deserves that, no matter what they've done, but I get that some people see it differently.

How can someone do something terrible to a person who's only been kind to them? What's the point of that? I could never intentionally hurt anyone, no matter how they've made me feel.

I just don't get how someone can say all these sweet things, make you feel like they really care, and then suddenly do something terrible. It's beyond me because I just can't do that. I genuinely care about everyone and hate seeing anyone get hurt. The last thing I'd want is for someone to be hurt because of me. I'd never intentionally mess up someone's life or cause them pain.

It really sucks when you find out that people you thought liked you might not actually like you. Thinking someone is your friend and then getting betrayed is rough. Like I've mentioned before, we should love everyone but only trust a few. I've definitely learned recently to be super careful about who I share things with and who I can trust.

I've been through a lot of tough times. Some were my fault, and some weren't. But I don't hold grudges against anyone—not even my mom, who got me sent to jail for something she did (story to come).

I've had tons of people come and go in my life. Some left, and I barely gave it a second thought. But there are others I'll always miss, even if they were just pretending.

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Shut Yo Mouth Girl!

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I used to talk way too much about things I shouldn't have with a lot of people, and it landed me in a bunch of trouble. I wasn't the best at thinking before I spoke, and sometimes my excitement came off as too much. I guess I just really wanted someone to listen and understand me. I needed to feel like I wasn't by myself. But I've realized that sharing too much can really mess up your personal life because you never know who might use that info against you. Then you end up alone anyway, with no one to chat with because everything's gone sideways.

Or maybe, nobody likes listening to constant complaining. I used to be pretty negative myself, and now I get why it was such a downer for others to be around me. So, you won't hear me talking like that anymore.

I started this blog to share my thoughts and views. It’s a great way for me to vent and feel better. Writing helps me dig into what happened and figure things out more easily. I can really focus on what I want to say, instead of just blurting out whatever comes to mind when talking. I still jot down whatever pops into my head, but I can go back and tweak it to make it sound better.

I love how Anne Frank was such a chatterbox. She often got herself into trouble for talking too much. But when she faced a ton of tough times, she quickly realized it was better to keep quiet and write instead. Now, she's got the most famous diary in history.

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Dream Turned To Nightmare

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A few years ago, when I was working as a school nurse for little kids, I put up a Facebook post that ended up changing my life. It was just an innocent post, but someone really took it to heart. I shared it on my personal Facebook page, where I only had friends I'd actually met in real life.

Back then, I was seeing a psychologist pretty often. She mentioned that I might be bipolar because of some things I’d done in the past, and I started wondering about it too. I ended up telling my husband, my mom, and a few close friends.

Around this time, my mom and I really started to click and hang out more. I think it was one of the best times in our relationship.

I've got this huge dream of traveling the world (in case you didn't know). I'd love to get an RV and road trip across the US. One day, I was just feeling great about life. I was starting to feel happy because I really enjoyed my job at the school. Back then, home wasn't the peaceful, happy place it is now. It was more like a battlefield.

One day, I got back from an awesome day at school and walked into total chaos at home. I was so done with it, so I posted something like, "I'm quitting my job, buying an RV, and traveling around the US." Yeah, right. Anyone who knows me knows I'd NEVER just leave my kids. EVER. But apparently, not everyone knows me that well. Rumors started flying, and next thing I know, I get an email from my principal asking if it's true that I'm quitting my job. I just replied, "I didn't know we were Facebook friends." If I were really planning to quit, I'd talk to my boss first. That post was just me dreaming out loud on Facebook, not something serious, so there was no need for him to even bring it up.

My husband and I had a therapy session the night before everything went down, and it was a total disaster. I was so mad and frustrated that I ended the session early. We had plans to spend the weekend away to try to bring some spark back, I decided I just needed some alone time to recharge. But my husband wouldn't let me go. He physically stopped me from leaving—not in a harmful way, but he wouldn't let me take our cars because they were his too and he would report them as stolen. He also wouldn't let me take my dog, since she was his as well, also report her as stolen. I said I'd just walk somewhere, but he blocked that too. I ended up calling my mom, thinking everything was good between us, and asked her to come pick me up because I really needed to get out. Little did I know, my husband had been talking to her and telling her he thought I was having some sort of manic episode.

So, when she showed up, she started trying to convince me not to leave. She kept saying I had responsibilities here and couldn't just abandon my kids. I was so frustrated that people who’ve known me forever actually thought I’d do something like that. I tried to explain that I just wanted a weekend getaway and planned to come right back. But they seemed to think I was leaving for good or something. Honestly, I have no idea what was going through their heads. All I know is that night ended with me in jail after my mom attacked me because I told her to get lost if she was going to talk to me like a kid (in a not so nice way). She didn’t like my tone, so she lunged at me. I was just chilling on my front porch. I defended myself. She came at me twice, not liking how her grown daughter was speaking to her, evening though she was being completely disrespectful to me on my own front porch. But because I scratched her a bit while trying to protect myself, and since I’d already been to the psych hospital, and they all thought I was bipolar and having a manic episode, I’m the one who went to jail. Didn’t matter that I tried to explain I just wanted to leave for two nights and was only defending myself. They talked to my husband and mom without me, so I have no clue what they said. Whatever it was worked like a charm because I got arrested right then. Being judged based on my past mental health issues that had nothing to do with this was awful. Didn’t even matter at this point that I had a video proving my innocence.

So, everything went down because of that ONE post. It was about a dream I had, but it turned into a total nightmare. People jumped to conclusions because of my mental health history.

Instead of just coming to me (the person who told my boss) to check if it was even true, they chose to be spiteful and tried to mess up my job with their negativity and assumptions. Seriously, why? Jumping to conclusions and acting negatively can wreck a relationship in no time.

I don't regret it happening, because that moment totally changed me. It was then that I decided I was never going to end up like her, and I've completely turned my life around since. What I do regret is that all of this caused my mom and me to lose the closeness we had. We still chat and hang out sometimes, but it's just not the same.

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Beer

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I've had my innocent posts twisted and used against me more times than I can count. It's been such a hassle that I've had to deactivate my Facebook several times because it just stirs up too much drama.

About 15 years ago, my oldest son was just 10 months old. We were at my cousin's wedding, having a blast and goofing around. We snapped a picture of my little guy pretending to "drink a beer" from a cup. Obviously, at 10 months, he didn't even know how to drink from a cup, and anyone who knows me would realize I’d never give a kid beer—it was just a joke. But someone, who clearly knew better, called CPS on me anyway, probably out of spite, though I have no clue why. They also claimed I was feeding him peanut butter and honey, which was a big no-no back then. Again, anyone who knows me would know I’d never do that. The person who reported me saw the post on my Facebook, which was only visible to people I knew personally. When CPS showed up, my son was clinging to my leg—does that sound like a kid in trouble? They checked my kitchen, saw it was stocked with baby food and snacks, so there were no bruises on him that a 10 month old crawling all over the place wouldn’t have, and dismissed the whole thing right away. They saw that he was loved and very well taken care of. Why did it even have to happen? Someone was just trying to mess with me, for whatever reason.

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Those That Have Your Back

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I've noticed recently that sometimes strangers can be more supportive, loving, and kind than the people you know. They often listen better and keep emotions out of things since they're not personally involved. Strangers can really cheer you on and push you to be better, even more than family and friends. I'm super grateful for the connections I've made since starting this journey. It's been an awesome ride so far, and I can't wait to see where it all goes in the future.