Till Death bring us to Heart.

A Starry Realm.

How long is long enough to love someone more than a lifetime?

How deep must love run, to be felt even with a barren heart??

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Its been 14 years since the day I lost most precious pieces of my heart, even before knowing what loss means. I saw death before knowing anything about it, the one who waited long enough for us had our family dinner together, who waited long enough for to accept he probably will not visit our home. But somehow he did, only to leave in a way that made absence feel permanent.

I heard someone saying, “You’ll get through it with time, everyone does."

Oh! but now I don’t want to, I want Time to not let me get through it. I want to spend more days and months and years together, with the memories.

Long before AI, turning still images into moving memories, I tried to do the same with old photographs, I had so little left to remember, so I filled the gaps with imagination. I would look at those pictures and build moments around them that might never have existed, just to feel closer to what once was. Those imagination were so deep that I started to believe it happened.

I was scared, scared that it will consume for of more us than it already did. It do scare me even now. I can count memories that I have of them which, I play on loop every following night as I’m scared those memories will fade & I can’t let that, probably I’m holding it too tight but that’s what giving me warmth.

I found myself eight years old, playing & talking with someone who was counting their days but I didn’t knew it then. Sitting besides them everyday, telling them about my school & the park & months later, when it became a routine sudden rush woke me up midnight in a creepy silence flowing around rooms of my house. Silence still creeps me out. Even now, I think about the day I ran out of time with them—the last day I didn’t know what Death was.

How hard it is to accept the reality & how calming it is to make a whole new reality around us that helps us create a safe place for ourselves. We all know nothing here is permanent to carry & the ultimate truth in this world is we’ll lose everything that we own, even our body, but memory is something that will keep it alive for eternity; fresh & fine.

Some losses don’t leave you; they settle quietly, shaping the way you love, the way you remember, and the way you hold on to what remains. And maybe that’s what ‘forever’ really means—not always having, but never truly losing.

I think, in the end, we don’t just live through moments; we live through the memories we refuse to let go, through the stories we keep telling ourselves, and through the love that, even in absence, refuses to fade