The Black Sheep

For my entire life, I have felt like the black sheep in every situation I’ve been in. I never got along much with my family. I just don’t see eye to eye with them. I’m too loving of a person for that.

## Opposite Everyday

I remember as a kid I always wanted to do the opposite of what everyone else was doing. I purposely didn’t do stuff because everyone else was doing it. It didn’t matter if I liked it and wanted to join in. I still refused to do it for that fact alone. I never knew why. It was just this feeling, this intrusive thought.

Even to this day, I can’t get on board with all the viral things, all the hyped-up things (whatever words they use these days). Most of the time, I don’t even know what’s viral anyway. People will say, “Hey, did you hear about such and such?” No, sure didn’t. I’m too busy living my life and trying to make the world a better place, not propagate all things negative and evil.

## I Just Want to Think Normally

I’ve always felt like my thought process was different from everyone else’s. It was very difficult to find people who understood me, someone on the same wavelength as me. Whenever I would try to talk about the things on my mind, I would normally get very dismissive reactions. What swirls through my head is apparently way over most people’s.

It’s hard living in a world where the majority of people don’t understand you, where the majority of people think and worry about silly, day-to-day life issues instead of big world issues. And I’m not talking about the people who are watching the news and ranting about the ridiculousness that they see (without ever planning to do anything about it except rant); those people have their own category. I’m talking about the people who worry about what they look like, or what so-and-so said or did, “can you just believe that?”, with a gossipy kind of attitude and trivial worries. I’m thinking about the book/movie “The Help,” or the movie “Clueless,” and the ridiculous things those women would moan and complain about daily. I wish I could think that simply. But unfortunately, my brain has never been that way.

## I’ll Never Get It

For most of my life, I’ve wanted so badly to believe in some kind of religion, mostly the Christian faith. But looking back, I remember constantly questioning my youth pastors and leaders to the point where I’d get on their nerves. None of it ever made sense to me, no matter how much they all explained it. I went along with the notions for so long, thinking that’s what I was supposed to do, and I really did want to believe it. If everyone believed it, then it must be true, but deep in my heart, I knew I never did.

## I Am Who I Am

I dance to my own beat and have learned to love myself. I've embraced my strengths for the good of humanity and know my place in the world. I don't need anyone to tell me otherwise.

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Here are a few songs that I think of when I consider this subject, and I thought I’d share them with you.

“I Don’t Need You” - Asking Alexandria and Grance Grundy.

This is Me - The Greatest Showman cast

“Dance to the Beat of my Own Drum” - (one of my 9 year olds favorites)

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