That Nagging Feeling

Ever get that gut feeling that something big is about to shake your life up? You can't quite tell if it's gonna be amazing or a complete disaster, but you just know something's coming. That's exactly how I'm feeling right now, and I had to get it off my chest. If you've read my earlier blogs, "It's Just Not Fair" and "Love Everyone, Trust Few," you'll get what I'm talking about.

My boss and the HR manager reached out to schedule a private call with me this afternoon, and it's got me feeling a bit uneasy. After our chat last week, something just seems off.

I've always been honest and loving toward everyone I’ve encountered while working with this company. I'm really hoping things don’t escalate to the point I think they will. I have this feeling in my gut, that is making me nauseous. That ominous feeling that something bad will happen.

I'm not really stressed about what my bosses think of me because I know who I am. Honestly, I didn't do anything to deserve what went down last week. I've always treated everyone with respect, love, and kindness, no matter who they are.

Thinking back on my time with the company and at the facility, I honestly can't recall causing any problems. I've been here for nearly 2 years, and in that time, I've only been "fired" by a client twice (now three with this situation). The first two happened because I stood up for my patients, and the clients weren't too happy about it.

I just feel deep down in my soul that all the patients I've looked after, the residents at the places I've worked, and most of the staff there, along with the patients' caregivers and loved ones, would only have nice things to say about me (except for this situation, and those two other times). So, why is this even happening now?

If my worries turn out to be real, I’m confident I can land another job pretty fast. It's the emotional stress that's really getting to me right now. A friend recommended I chat with upper management if I do get laid off, but that's just not my thing. If I'm not wanted, I'm not going to push it. It’s just like what I wrote about in my blog “Rebuttal to a Wrong Doing.” It would be super awkward to stick around after being told I'm not needed anymore.

Living with honesty and love really puts me at ease, and I'm all set to move forward. Working in hospice has been an amazing experience for me, in the best way possible. I've gained so much from it. I don't have any hard feelings towards my employers (or anyone else); they're truly good people. It's unfortunate that misunderstandings led us here, but I genuinely believe there are awesome opportunities waiting, and great things are on the horizon for me.

PS I was right 😭