Pain

Raven Ambrose
Jul 30
13 min read

Updated: Sep 13

Do You Feel the Burn?

At some point in life, everyone has encountered physical pain. This universal experience can manifest in various forms, ranging from mild discomfort to severe agony, and can arise from numerous causes. Physical pain can be acute, such as that experienced after an injury or surgery, or chronic, persisting for weeks, months, or even years due to conditions like arthritis or fibromyalgia.

The sensation of pain is a complex interplay between the body and the brain, serving as a vital signal that something is amiss. It can result from external factors, such as accidents, falls, or sports injuries, where the body suffers trauma. For instance, a sprained ankle or a broken bone can lead to immediate and intense pain, prompting individuals to seek medical attention. Conversely, pain can also stem from internal issues, such as infections, organ dysfunction, or diseases like cancer, which might not have an obvious external cause but can be equally debilitating.

Moreover, the experience of pain is highly subjective and can vary significantly from one person to another. Factors such as genetics, psychological state, and previous experiences with pain can influence how individuals perceive and respond to their discomfort. For example, some people may have a high tolerance for pain and can endure significant physical challenges, while others may find even minor aches to be overwhelming.

In addition to the physical aspects, pain can have profound emotional and psychological effects. Chronic pain, in particular, can lead to feelings of frustration, helplessness, and depression, as individuals struggle to cope with the limitations it imposes on their daily lives. This emotional toll can create a cycle where pain exacerbates mental health issues, and vice versa, making it crucial for those who suffer to seek comprehensive treatment that addresses both the physical and emotional components of their condition.

Furthermore, societal perceptions of pain and how it should be managed can also play a significant role in an individual's experience. For instance, cultural attitudes toward expressing pain can lead some people to downplay their suffering, while others may feel empowered to seek help and advocate for their needs. This highlights the importance of open dialogue about pain management and the need for compassionate care that recognizes the multifaceted nature of pain.

In conclusion, the experience of physical pain is a common thread that weaves through the fabric of human existence. It serves as a crucial alert system for the body, prompting individuals to take action and seek healing. Understanding the complexities of pain, including its causes, effects, and the diverse ways it can be experienced, is essential for fostering empathy and effective treatment strategies in both medical and personal contexts.

In my 39 years of life, I have already endured a significant amount of pain, a journey that has shaped my understanding of both physical and emotional endurance. Throughout these years, I have had the joy and challenge of raising four children, including a set of twins, who have brought both laughter and chaos into my life. The experience of motherhood has been profound, but it has also come with its own set of physical challenges that have tested my resilience. One of the most significant battles I have faced has been with my health, particularly with my spine. I have undergone two surgeries for herniated discs, specifically affecting the discs located between C5 and C6 and C6 and C7. If you've ever had the misfortune of experiencing nerve pain, you know it is truly the most severe and debilitating pain imaginable, often surpassing even the intensity of labor contractions. This type of pain is relentless and can be all-consuming, making it difficult to focus on anything else. The worst aspect of nerve pain is that it often seems to have no quick fix or easy solution. Despite trying various pain medications, including stronger options, I have found that none have completely alleviated my suffering. Medications like Gabapentin have been somewhat helpful, allowing me to manage the pain to a degree, but the relief is temporary and never quite enough to restore my quality of life. In addition to the nerve pain, I suffer from chronic neck pain, a constant reminder of the surgeries I have endured. This condition has left me with a significant loss of sensation in one and a half fingers on my left hand, a frustrating limitation that impacts my daily activities and my ability to perform tasks that many take for granted. Furthermore, my physical challenges extend beyond my neck. I fractured my right ankle in five different places, an injury that has left me with lingering discomfort and complications that affect my mobility. Compounding these issues, I also deal with right hip dysplasia, which results in persistent pain that can be debilitating at times. The discomfort radiates through my hip and down my leg, making it difficult to engage in activities I once enjoyed. For years, I have also struggled with pain from having high arches in my feet, which has severely affected my ability to walk properly. This condition has often left me feeling unsteady and fatigued, as each step can be a reminder of the discomfort I am in. In my quest for relief and a better quality of life, I am grateful to The Good Feet Store for their assistance. Their expertise in providing arch supports and other orthotic solutions has made a remarkable difference in how I walk and move through my daily life. I never realized what it felt like to walk correctly until now, and the newfound comfort has been a revelation. The support they provide has not only alleviated some of my foot pain but has also positively impacted my overall posture and balance. It's a reminder that even in the midst of suffering, there can be moments of relief and hope, and I continue to seek ways to improve my health and well-being.

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When I Broke My Ankle

Two autumns ago, at the end of September, I was cycling every day. I had set a goal to ride a specific distance on my bike, and that was my priority. To ensure comfort, I bought a wider seat, since standard bike seats are absurdly small—they can't even support one entire butt cheek.

I was cycling excellently, but two days of rain disrupted my progress. As soon as the rain stopped, I got back on my bike. I was excited to ride again after the wet spell. Determined to compensate for the lost time, I set a goal to ride farther than ever. I managed to do so until I couldn't; I reached my planned midpoint, but everything stopped about halfway on my return journey.

I had a water bottle with a handle that I attached to the bike's handlebar. Even though I was thirsty, I was reluctant to fully remove the bottle from the handle or stop to drink. This small act of laziness ended up being quite costly. It probably would have been faster to completely detach the water bottle than to wrestle with unscrewing it from the lid (still attached to the handlebar) and then screwing it back on while pedaling.

Remember the rain I talked about? Well, there was a puddle, and I was dealing with that at the same time. One thing led to another, and I found myself on the ground with my water bottle a few feet away and my ankle twisted awkwardly. I vaguely remember thinking, that's not how it should look. Then I screamed. It wasn't a long scream since I needed to come up with a plan. I realized I had my fanny pack with my phone. I called my husband, not screaming, but still scared and in tears. I tried to explain the situation as best as I could. He kept asking where I was. Lord have mercy, I didn't know—just on the ground with a broken ankle. Isn't that why we have Life360 now? He had just arrived at my daughter's friend's house to pick her up when it happened. Their dad was just coming in from work, and when my husband explained the situation, he said, "Oh, that must be who I passed by." Naturally, they offered to watch her.

While I lay on the ground, I wondered if anyone would stop to assist me. Numerous cars passed by, increasing my frustration. Eventually, a man on a bike appeared. Luckily for me, he was a paramedic. I believe he was the one who called 911, although I'm not completely certain. At this moment, a woman came over. She swiftly knelt down and supported me with her body to offer some stability. My back ached from trying to maintain that position, and she stayed behind me the whole time.

Eventually, my husband arrived. She asked if I wanted her to switch places, and I responded, "Oh hell no, don't you move me." So she stayed. She mentioned that she was a retired nurse, and at that moment, I felt incredibly lucky. Then a police officer came over. She explained that she wasn't called to the scene but was just passing by. She immediately called for an ambulance. Unfortunately, they informed us there would be a 30-minute delay because the local ones were busy, so one had to come from farther away. 30 MINUTES!!!! It was undoubtedly the longest 30 minutes of my life. Throughout the ordeal, the woman behind me never left my side. When the ambulance arrived, she stayed with me until I was inside. I only saw my angel's face that day for a fleeting moment, but I truly cherished it.

I don't remember much about the ambulance ride. What I do recall is being in the ER. I'm in bed, with my foot twisted to the left and a small piece of bone sticking out. A young doctor comes in. He’s probably still a resident, or at least I hope so after what he did to me. He tells me he's going to set my foot. They had just given me fentanyl (which doesn’t work for me; I suppose I smoke too much weed for it to be effective). I'm still in a lot of pain.

He then adjusted my foot. My husband noted that I screamed so loudly that people came over to see if something was wrong. Indeed, there was a problem—this fool adjusted my foot without confirming that my pain medication was working. Basic nursing care. Oh, right, he was a doctor. After setting it, he didn't even stabilize it and just walked away. Some time later, another doctor came. Thankfully, this one was more competent.

He moved me to one of the trauma rooms in the ER and put me in a twilight state. I don't remember anything that happened afterward. He was setting and stabilizing my ankle.

The next day at home, my pain worsened. I insist on not taking anything stronger than ibuprofen unless the pain is completely intolerable. I'll explain why in another blog. It turned out I was developing compartment syndrome, so I headed back to the ER. Just to let you know, ER visits are expensive, and we pay each time we go. So grrrrr.

They release the stabilizer, and I'm on my way.

The next three months were quite difficult, presenting a series of challenges that tested my resilience and adaptability in ways I had never anticipated. During this time, I found myself unable to walk, drive, or engage in many of the activities I had previously taken for granted. Simple tasks that once felt automatic became monumental hurdles. I was forced to rely on others for assistance, which marked a significant shift in my life. This dependency was a stark reversal of my usual role as the caregiver, a position I had comfortably inhabited for years. I had always prided myself on being the one who provided support and care to my family and friends, but now I was in a position where I needed to ask for help and accept it graciously. This experience of relying on others was not only physically challenging but also emotionally taxing. I had never experienced such a prolonged period of vulnerability and helplessness before. Of course, there had been moments in my life, such as after having babies or following my neck surgery, where I had to lean on others for support. However, even during those times, I was able to accomplish much more than I could during these three months. I could still manage some daily tasks, albeit with difficulty, and I had a sense of agency that was now stripped away from me. The situation lasted for a full three months, each day blending into the next as I navigated this new reality. I found myself grappling with feelings of frustration and sadness as I watched my independence diminish. Activities that I once enjoyed, such as taking long walks in the park, driving to visit friends, or even just moving around my home with ease, were replaced by a sense of confinement. I had to adapt to a slower pace of life, relying heavily on the kindness and generosity of those around me. Friends and family stepped in to help with errands, household chores, and even providing companionship, which was a blessing but also a reminder of my current limitations. As the days turned into weeks, I began to reflect on the importance of community and support systems in our lives. I learned to appreciate the relationships I had built over the years, recognizing that it was okay to accept help and that doing so did not diminish my strength but rather highlighted the interconnectedness of our human experience. This period of dependency ultimately became a time of introspection, where I had to confront my feelings of inadequacy and learn to embrace the kindness of others. I realized that while I was unable to fulfill my usual role, I could still contribute in different ways, perhaps by sharing my experiences and offering emotional support to those who visited me. In summary, the three months of difficulty were a profound journey of learning, growth, and adaptation. They forced me to reevaluate my understanding of strength and vulnerability, teaching me that sometimes, it is in our moments of greatest need that we discover the depth of our relationships and the strength of our spirit.

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Earthly Angel

On another note, I had the chance to meet my angel in person. This is one of the best features of social media. I posted on Facebook about who I am and whom I was looking for. I wasn't sure it would work, so I forgot about it. Months later, I got a Facebook message that needed approval. It was her!!

I found out where she was and cried a lot. I invited her for coffee one day, and my youngest daughter and I met her at a lovely nearby bakery.

She is genuinely an incredible woman, and I am immensely thankful for her. I did purchase her order; it was the least I could do. Since then, I haven't had the chance to see her because life gets busy. However, we sometimes communicate via messenger. I'm just so grateful I met my savior that day.

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Post Op

I'm on my front porch, a small sanctuary that offers a moment of respite from the chaos of daily life, attempting to prevent illness and find a semblance of comfort. The air is fresh, carrying with it the scent of the end of summer, yet I find myself reaching for a joint. Smoking has become a habitual act for me, as it typically provides a form of relief from the stress and discomfort I often feel. However, I'm uncertain if it will work this time; the unpredictability of pain and discomfort is something I have grown accustomed to, but it never fails to frustrate me.

As I sit here, I take stock of my current situation. The pain in my ankle is currently stable, a welcome reprieve, though I know from experience that this stability can be fleeting. Just earlier today, I underwent surgery to extract several metal fragments that had been lingering from a break I experienced a few years ago. The injury was significant, and the presence of those fragments served as a constant reminder of the pain and the long road to recovery that followed. Each day was a battle, filled with physical therapy sessions and a myriad of emotions ranging from hope to despair.

In managing my pain, I am particular about the medications I choose to use. I only resort to over-the-counter pain relievers like Tylenol and ibuprofen when it's absolutely necessary, as I prefer to avoid the potential side effects that can accompany more potent prescriptions. I have learned to listen to my body, recognizing when the discomfort becomes too much to bear and when I can rely on my own resilience. At this moment, the pain is manageable; I can feel the dull throb in my ankle but it is not overwhelming.

Yet, amidst this relative calm, I find myself struggling with another unwelcome companion: nausea. It seems to linger like a shadow, an unwelcome reminder of the toll that both the surgery and the medication can take on my body. I wish the nausea was as manageable as the pain; it complicates my ability to enjoy even the simplest moments of peace on my porch. The gentle breeze that rustles the leaves around me does little to soothe the unease in my stomach, but I try to focus on the positives—the warmth of the sun on my skin, the sounds of birds chirping in the distance, and the knowledge that I am taking steps to heal.

In this moment of reflection, I consider the journey that has brought me here, to this porch, to this moment of quiet contemplation. I remind myself that healing is not just a physical process; it encompasses the mind and spirit as well. I take a deep breath, allowing the fresh air to fill my lungs, hoping that with each exhale, I can release some of the tension that has built up within me. I know that the road ahead may still be challenging, but I am determined to navigate it with patience and resilience, one day at a time.

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Lists

Books 📚

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Songs 🎶

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Movies//Shows/Documentaries 🎦

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Bible verses about pain ✝️

Isaiah 53:5 – “But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.”
2 Corinthians 12:9 – “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”
Job 30:17 – “Night pierces my bones; my gnawing pains never rest.”
Psalm 38:7 – “My back is filled with searing pain; there is no health in my body.”
Matthew 8:17 – “This was to fulfill what was spoken through the prophet Isaiah: ‘He took up our infirmities and bore our diseases.'”
1 Peter 2:24 – “He himself bore our sins” in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; ‘by his wounds you have been healed.'”
Matthew 4:24 – “News about him spread all over Syria, and people brought to him all who were ill with various diseases, those suffering severe pain, the demon-possessed, those having seizures, and the paralyzed; and he healed them.”
Revelation 21:4 – “‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”
Jeremiah 30:17 – “‘But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds,’ declares the LORD, ‘because you are called an outcast, Zion for whom no one cares.'”
Luke 10:34 – “He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him.”