Never “Good Enough”

I'm generally a happy and upbeat person, but I can't deny there are times when I feel like I'm not good enough for anyone or anything. Sometimes it feels like I'm just wasting my time and everyone else's because, honestly, who really cares about me and what I have to say?

I've been reading a bunch of articles from different people, and they're seriously awesome. The stuff they talk about is so cool, and their minds are just brilliant. Their writing is top-notch. Then I start thinking, "Man, I really don't measure up. Why would anyone care about what I have to say when these amazing writers aren't even famous yet? What chance do I have with my silly writing?"

I know, the pity party's kicking off again. I've already written a blog about pity parties before.

But sometimes, it's more than just that.

********************

Just, Why?

********************

I was scrolling through Facebook this morning, since I’m still banned from Substack. And I saw a post about this incredibly gorgeous girl. Blond hair, blue eyes, the works. She was going somewhere in life. But, looks aren’t everything.

It was a post about her struggle with mental health and an eating disorder. Her mom discussed how at 10 is when it started getting bad. She would go to her mom and say things like “why do I feel this way? I don’t want to feel this way”. She was in an out of facilities for her eating disorder, but they always let her go a bit too early. This last time was apparently way too early. Because this time around she ended her own life a few days after. That was a couple weeks ago. Her mother talked about how it had nothing to do with the kind of life she had. She was loved, popular, a cheerleader. Great home life. But still she felt so empty on the inside.

You can seem like a "happy" person but still feel empty inside. How do we fix this?

********************

Where Did My Purpose Go?

********************

I know things will get better if you just hang in there. The tough part is that "hanging in there" phase. You start wondering, "Will things really improve?" and "Am I just wasting my time and everyone else's?"

I've always felt like I'm not quite "good enough" for anything or anyone. It's like I'm easily replaceable—I've seen it happen over and over. I just don't feel like I bring any value to the table.

These are the things that keep popping into my head during these times.

I'm in one of those moments right now and thought I'd share it with you. It's crucial to remember that nobody, no matter how put-together they seem, really has everything sorted out. Everyone questions and doubts themselves sometimes.

I lost the best job I've ever had, and honestly, it was the only time I really looked forward to going to work. It gave me a real sense of purpose. I know hospice care is my calling. I've tried applying to other hospice places, but no luck yet.

I lost everything because of my writing, and this Substack ban is really getting me down. I got fired because of my writing, and now I can't even hang out on social media and share my work without stuff like this happening.

So, what am I actually doing? I've had this feeling for ages that something amazing was going to happen to me. I even wrote about it months ago. But, honestly, I know that's just me dreaming.

Right now, I kind of feel like I don't have much going on, and I feel super guilty because the small income I used to bring in is gone. Now, my husband has to handle everything, and it's just not fair to him. I know it's a lot for him to deal with.

Aside from working in hospice, writing is really my thing. That's actually why I lost my job—because of writing. And now I've lost Substack too. It's been three days, and there's no solution in sight. I have my website, but it's pretty useless if I can't spread the word. I've tried other platforms, but nothing compares to Substack. If any of you tech-savvy folks could create another app like Substack, but without the super strict rules, that would be amazing. Somewhere I can freely share my work without losing momentum.

I really wish I had the smarts to come up with an app like that, but sadly, it just isn't my thing.

I homeschool my daughter, and I absolutely love it. I get to spend so much time with her, which is amazing. But sometimes, I worry that I'm not doing a great job, like maybe I'm not teaching her enough or covering the "right stuff."

I've been around for almost 40 years, and I've learned that things do eventually get better. But man, that time before things improve can really suck. That's when people really need each other to help lift them out of that slump. You hope that when you're down and they're not, they'll be there for you too.

********************

Nothing Lasts Forever

********************

Yesterday, I put up a post for the amazing people on my Facebook page. I love spreading some good vibes on their pages every now and then. This one really resonated with me because it mirrors what I'm going through right now. Tough times aren't permanent, and I'd be a hypocrite if I didn't take my own advice. I know things will get better. I won't be stuck forever, I'll find my rhythm again, and I'll get another job. But at this moment, I feel hopeless, lost, and alone.

********************

Never Ends

********************

So today on Substack, I got suspended again just because I was super active. I wasn't spamming with copy-paste comments. I kept everything relevant to the topic. I didn't even share any of my articles unless someone specifically asked for them.

There was a woman who had over 800 subscribers. Two days earlier, she posted saying she was new and wanted to connect with others. I was like, “Dang, you got a ton of subscribers in 2 days!"

I comment on someone else's post about the topic, and boom, I get hit with the suspension notice again. Yay me!

How do you put yourself out there when the platforms meant for that keep holding us back? The worst part about Substack is that, unlike Facebook and others, they don't just suspend you. They completely remove you from the platform, so no one can see or engage with your content. That's a huge blow to your momentum when you're a writer trying to build a fanbase.

I hopped on the bandwagon and had a chat with ChatGPT about it. I gotta say, it gives some pretty solid advice. So, I'm gonna try out its tips and see how smart it really is. It laid out a plan to go global in a year. If I follow its steps, I should be able to make it happen. We'll see. I guess I can blame Elon Musk if it doesn't actually work out. It's a real bummer when platforms like Substack, which are supposed to help, end up backfiring. As writers, we count on those platforms to get our work out there. When they let us down, what’s a writer supposed to do?

I've checked out other platforms, but none of them hit the mark like Substack does. Seriously, all you tech-savvy folks, I'm begging you to create a platform just like Substack, but without banning people for silly reasons. They don't seem to care if people harass others or talk about being a Nazi and hating people. But they do care if I share my writing with too many people or mention that someone gained a lot of followers in two days. That's just not a valid reason to ban someone and make it look like they vanished. It's ridiculous! I'll even pay a monthly fee for something better than Substack.

********************

The Cherry on Top

********************

So, besides getting suspended AGAIN for something ridiculous, a bunch of other annoying stuff happened today. I ordered food from one of those weekly meal delivery services, like Hello Fresh, that was supposed to be gluten-free, but it wasn't, so no food for me. I was also supposed to have a phone interview this morning for a new job, but they didn't even call. They just emailed me right before the interview was supposed to happen, and I didn't see it until an hour later. They said my resume looked great but still wasn't enough for them. They picked someone else and mentioned there are no more full-time openings. Not that it matters since I wasn't even going for a full-time spot, just a PRN one.

I applied somewhere else and ended up doing a virtual interview with a robot over the phone. It was pretty interesting since I'd never done anything like that before. The weird part was I couldn't really tell if my answers were any good because I was talking to a robot instead of a person.

Honestly, I'm not just worried about my future. With prices skyrocketing and paychecks staying the same, it's tough. I really need to find a job soon. Writing isn't cutting it for paying the bills, especially since I keep getting let go of all that I try to do.