I Lost

I lost the ability to hide my pain behind a smile.

I lost the foolish bliss I had that made my agony worthwhile.

I lost the happy dream and am now living in a nightmare.

I lost the delusion that any of my friends actually care.

I lost the comfort of making jokes in my discomfort.

I lost the motivation to continue planning my last resort.

I lost the trust that I felt when spending time with those I hold dear.

I lost the reason I had to stay here.

I lost the choice to confess my secrets when I was ready.

I lost the privacy that kept this from being such a heavy burden on me.

I lost the loyalty that I suppose was never reciprocated.

I lost the hope of fantasies that my heart loved and mind hated.

I lost the temporary purpose I gained when I lost myself.

I lost the desire I had to rise above this, which I held onto since I fell.

But I didn't lose you,

Because you were never mine to begin with.