Happy Dance!!!

I just found out something wonderful. I tried talking to my husband about it, but all I got was his typical blank stare.

But guys, this is a massive deal for me.

A few years back, I started getting tremors. It started with my left hand, and for some reason, the pointer finger does it the most. Then it gradually started moving my hands.

You see, I’m a nurse. To not have steady hands is VERY BAD for nurses. We do too many things that need a steady hand.

I was starting to get extremely scared.

These tremors started years ago, but as I said, they were only very slight with my fingers. It was not something that other people could easily see at first. I was able to stabilize my hand enough because the tremors weren’t as bad then. But I noticed that, with time, it was also moving.

I thought for so long that I had some kind of condition. We all know that there are tons of conditions out there that start that way.

I started fearing the loss of my career since it was starting to get worse. I’m only 39, but if my hands shake too much, I can’t work. We all know how the financial situation is here in America—not good. In dual-income households these days, especially with kids, both partners have to work to make it through all the price gouging.

Silly me, I’m a nurse. Why didn’t I realize this a long time ago? I always thought that because it wasn’t an antipsychotic medication, I would be fine. When I was in nursing school, I remember them saying that it’s usually those that give Tardive Dyskinesia. If you don’t know what that is, you should look it up. It is not a good thing to have. Not only that, the longer you take the medication, the worse the shaking gets.

I’ve been taking Wellbutrin for depression/anxiety for many, many years. I even took it for a time when I was a teenager. To be honest, I don’t even remember when the shaking originally started because it was so long ago.

A few years back, when all that awful crap went down, we added another medication, fluvoxamine. Wellbutrin is considered a norepinephrine-dopamine reuptake inhibitor (NDRI). It is in a completely different category of meds altogether. They actually use it for smoking cessation more than anything, because it stops the craving. Actually, Wellbutrin stops cravings in general, including food.

Fluvoxamine, though, is one I should have thought about; it is a Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor (SSRI). In nursing school, we talked about how the antipsychotics are the ones that cause tardive dyskinesia, along with SSRIs, though those aren’t as bad as the antipsychotic ones.

My silly self should have read the symptoms better; I just made a stupid assumption based on what I remember learning. On top of that, I trusted that my provider would know what causes this and would have warned me so I could have stopped it a long time ago. I know I never told her I was shaking because I didn’t think it had anything to do with the medication, but when she first started me on Fluvoxamine, knowing I have been taking Wellbutrin for so long, I don’t blame her or anything, just find it curious.

The past few days, I’ve noticed it getting way worse. Luckily, I have an appointment with my provider already scheduled for this week. When I say worse, I mean it’s not just the little unnoticeable tremors anymore; it's full-on shaking. Right now, I am having an extremely difficult time typing. It’s taking way longer than normal because of all the mistakes I have been making due to the shaking.

This morning at breakfast, I held up a cup, and it was so full that a cup a bit fuller than it was would have spilled.

That wasn’t the scariest thing about it all; it was the tremors that started in my face yesterday. Right now, it’s just a slight twitch every so often and a bit of a twitch in my left eye.

After seeing how intense the shaking is today and the fact that it is moving into my face, I started putting two and two together. So, what did I do? What everyone else does (yes, I hopped on this one bandwagon because it’s actually a good one). I talked to ChatGPT about it. Sure enough, mixing the two together has a very high chance of getting tremors. That’s it! I finally found the solution, and I can make the shaking go away. Because if it hasn’t gotten to my face full-blown yet, then there’s a much better chance of it stopping. There is a point with tardive dyskinesia that you can’t come back from. Since it literally just started in my face, I should be good. Fingers crossed.

When I read those words showing me that was the cause, I immediately started crying. I tried to talk to my husband then, but as I said above, that didn’t work, and I only started to cry more. I ended up going to the room; unfortunately, I didn’t have the key, so I sat by the elevators to wait for my husband and daughter. And of course, people were walking by during that time. Can you imagine what they were thinking, some girl sitting next to the elevators just crying?

Sorry this was so long, but I had to share this because of how big of a deal it is. Unless you’ve had to live with this shaking, you don’t know what it’s like. When you can’t hold anything steady, my patients and their families would start seeing it too. I can only imagine how that would go. Not good.

All I can say now is, after years together, it is time to part ways for good. Goodbye, Wellbutrin. It was good until it wasn’t.