Extreme Times: Dating

You curate a profile to show to the world. It’s self-advertisement. That’s okay! We’re so many people now. We do have a little price tag attached to us. That’s okay!

We’re going through an extreme time right now. One fourth into the new century. Everybody loves to have a loaded opinion on trans-people, yet how many even know one?

Everybody has something to say about family values, yet how many can actually achieve them? Most families and trans-people are dysfunctional like the majority of us, anyways.

Extreme times: A sign of the new millennium? The context used here is 9/11, smart phones, social media, the amplification of fake news and PR ragebait. Now, AI is getting swiftly integrated as well.

Even in dating apps?

The new century is one fourth over. And big pocket (see; big purse, fem.) have been centralized by big phone. I would say, we’re testing a few things out. The phone can be a wallet, keys and/or a remote. Among other things…

Well, chatbots taking over was a surprise to me. It’s our first encounter with big robot. And it lives in centralized big pocket. Surprised?

Dating apps were less of a surprise. Because sites like match.com had been around for a long as the internet existed. Dating profiles are many. It’s not a few options you scout out in a bar. It’s not an authenthicc first impression, nor observation of another subject. It’s curated.

Curation can also be for fun. You say weird shit in your bio to show that you’re not that serious. Or you use it to put up rigorous rules about who can and who cannot approach you. Or no words at all. Either way, it’s curated by you to advertise your subject; you.

I said AI swiftly gets integrated into the mix, right? People have started to date their chatbots! (1)

Mama, they’re dating their chatbots!

Ah. People don’t like people. This is a hyper-aware time to be alive (internet access, AI, unlimited information). We have shorter patience but you cannot fool us anymore. We’ve seen it all before. Your fiction is weak.

I know how institutions work and I’m not impressed by the gaslightning that it just has to be that way. I don’t trust people because the general outlook other people have on humanity and what it’s for, has been pretty disappointing.

What are we here for? To advance as quickly as possible!

Dating is changing and that’s okay. Since we can’t go back or give up on the internet already, we have to embrace this thing in our pocket and make the most of it. We don’t have a choice. We cannot unsee things.

I understand why people want to date their chatbots. You probably have a legitimate, traumatic reason to not dare to trust another human. When we prioritize fast advancement over emotional labour, we also normalize an incredible speed and a horrendous competitive behavior.

It’s not new. To advance at all cost was something they did in ancient Greece too. Spartans in the Archaic age (776-500 BCE), used the enslaved natives of their colonized Peloponnese to hunt for sport as training for warfare (2).

And so this is how we behave. So is it really that shocking, when robots who come around with the mindset to “validate the user”, that hurt, shamed people, will take the bait? I might myself after the shit I saw in my early twenties.

You swipe, or scroll, through endless profiles. There must be someone better out there!

Where are we going from here?

To answer that we have to look at what we even date for. Most people say love. I think most do it for a stable union.

Personal opinion: If you do decide to marry, it should be mostly union based. As if it was purely out of love, then marriage isn’t really a must. I guess there is some level of security involved. If you have children, it’s worth marrying. Yes. There’s exceptions. This article doesn’t care about exceptions.

Marriage is hard work that girl in Gone Girl said everybody told her. It’s a union! A social and economical union. You don’t have to be posh to start one. Although it shouldn’t be seen as a ritual for all.

Marriage should be financial. Or, because you are so confident in the person romantically, that you believe in the union to create a family with them. Not because time is running out and everyone else is doing it.

Family life should be a choice in the future more than an obligation. Imagine if only those who truly wanted, would be the ones having kids. Wouldn’t we have so much more respect for those people? Instead of those who think this will bring them happiness - this article believes happiness comes internally and not externally and does not take into account exceptions which we already recognized do exist.

Great! So dating comes down to union. That’s okay! What about the rest of us? Some are looking to strictly hook up and that’s fine. I’ve been in this group for the last few years because I don’t believe in your little union lies. But that’s a personal, subjective opinion of mine.

I just want to sleep around, and that’s why I’m even on Grindr. I have my size in bio. Someone who’s looking for love and chooses me, is looking for union in all the wrong places. Whatever. At the end of the day, I myself am looking more for gay friendship than gay sex.

I cockblock you in the middle of our date because I like you socially. Because I’ve been addicted to porn for too long to now even care.

Great. We’ve now manifested that marriage will probably turn more into a family-union for those who want or need it economically or socially. It’s an insurance, yet should be less normalized to the point where it’s respected and the family is the project for those who dream of it. Fair.

Others can spend their time dedicating other projects and its craft to build a world we - and I know I’m asking for a lot - want.

We’ve also established that those who want to hook up and are addicted to porn, will probably find themselves in a virtual room with virtual hookers for all eternity. And most importantly, we’ve established that there’s exceptions. So what about dating apps themselves?

Dating apps + chatbot = virtual escapism (inevitable, we all hate each other anyways, 9-5 is gaslightning and hyper-awareity).

Let me escape into the world of virtuality and never look back. If I can’t have it my way here, I might as well curate it. So let me go into a world and never return, before I fucking lose it.

Sources:

1. Rhiannon Williams - MIT Technology Review (sept 24): https://www.technologyreview.com/2025/09/24/1123915/relationship-ai-without-seeking-it/

2. James Heneage - The Shortest History of Greece (p. 17-19)