A Letter to Myself

Written by: John Edwards

From: John Edwards. Trenz Pruca 432 First Street Anytown, County, Postcode

22 February 2026

To: John Edward. Trenz Pruca 432 First Street Anytown, County, Postcode

Dear John,

I hear you are coming up to your 73rd birthday in June. I saw you the other day walking past Stanton’s record shop in Dudley. I saw your reflection in the shop window. Blimey, haven’t you gotten old? It doesn’t seem that long ago since you were 15 and used to go in there to buy the latest vinyl LP records of your favorite band, The Beatles. And who was that other bloke you used to like? Oh yes, Leonard Cohen. I remember how your mates used to take the piss out of you for liking his stuff. They used to say he was “razor blade material” and so depressing, but I think his stuff just suited you because, hadn’t you used to have anxiety issues? And didn’t his songs used to reflect your moods? He was a lot like our more modern version of Adele.

It was great, though, in those days, saving all your pocket money to go into Stanton’s and listen to your favorite artists inside those soundproof booths that they had back then. Those booths allowed you to listen to the records before you bought them, even though you had heard them thousands of times before on ‘Radio One’ and on ‘Top of the Pops,’ which used to be shown on TV in those days. Not like today, when you just stream your favorite songs on Spotify or buy them off Amazon. You don’t really own anything now; you’ve got nothing to hold, and you don’t get all that free merchandise that came inside the sleeves.

I can remember you taking your pride-and-joy new release home with you and opening up your record player and polishing your new vinyl record, before gently lowering the tonearm stylus onto the surface of the record and listening to that crackling noise like bacon cooking in the frying pan on a Sunday morning, just before you heard Paul McCartney strike up with:

HEY JUDE, DON’T MAKE IT BAD. TAKE A SAD SONG AND MAKE IT BETTER. REMEMBER TO LET HER INTO YOUR HEART, THEN YOU CAN START, TO MAKE IT BETTER

I still get shivers down my spine when I hear that song now, 58 years later. Wasn’t that you and your girlfriend’s favorite song at the time? I remember when you first met Paula at Dudley Zoo that cold September night when the zoo stayed open till late and the castle was all lit up with floodlights, and all the colorful string lights swinging in the cold breeze of the night. Wasn’t it love at first sight with you two?

I know how you always seem to go for the girls who are slim with long blonde hair; she just fit your criteria and idealistic interpretation of your perfect girlfriend. I remember you walking her home afterward because she missed her last bus, even though it was a 2-mile walk.

I recall you saying: It was all worthwhile, though, when you had your first kiss sitting on the dwarf wall at the top of her street. (That wall is still there now, you know; I saw it the other day when I drove past in my car.) I also remember you crying all the next night when she failed to show up for your next arranged meeting with her by the castle gates.

You were devastated and really upset; I have never seen you that upset before about anything. You always came across as being a ‘hard-knock’ and didn’t really care about others that much! I remember you going back home with a heavy heart, feeling lovesick, a feeling that your life was not worth living anymore. Didn’t you listen to Leonard Cohen’s songs all that night on your record player? No wonder your mates took the piss out of you.

I remember you going up to the zoo the next night to see if you could see her again. You waited and waited, sitting on a bench listening to all the monkeys chattering and squealing in their cages, and thinking that you wished you were one of them without a care in the world, because your world had just collapsed on you. Every girl that went past you with long blonde hair made your heart skip a beat, thinking it was Paula, only to be disappointed when they turned around and didn’t have that same beautiful face that Paula had.

Time was moving on and she was nowhere to be seen, so you decided to make your way back home. But to your surprise, as you turned the corner by the flamingo enclosure, there she was, standing right in front of you with her big beautiful smile. I remember you saying: “It felt like your heart was going to burst out of your chest.”

I always recall after you two eventually became a couple, your mates were extremely jealous of you and gave you a hard time, calling after you. They used to say, “Look at Eddy walking around the zoo grounds pretending to hold hands, talking to himself with his imaginary girlfriend” (insinuating that they could not see Paula because of her slim figure).

But I know you didn’t give a toss about what they were saying about you; you were in love and inseparable. I remember you saying that you couldn’t believe your luck and how proud you were with Paula on your arm. She would always try to catch you on a Saturday afternoon when she was shopping in Dudley. You would always be in Stanton’s record shop with your second love, that beautiful red pearl drum kit in the window that you knew you would never own because you had no money. You didn’t even have enough money for any drumsticks, but you did get friendly with the shopkeeper who used to allow you to play them every Saturday afternoon.

Paula always knew where to find you. I can always recall that Saturday when you went into Stanton’s to play those drums. You were with one of your mates; I think you called him “Fast Fingers Wilbur” because he was always shoplifting. I remember him asking you if you had any brushes for playing drums with, and when you answered “no,” hoping he was going to buy the ones he was holding in his hands for you, he just tucked them into his inside pocket and said, “You have now.”

I remember you going blood red as you both ran out of the shop with you yelling after him: “What the fuck are you doing, Wilbur?” You were totally against any type of theft (you were brought up knowing better than that), but you didn’t refuse them when you got far enough away from the shop. I can’t remember you ever going back to that shop again after that episode. But I do remember you marrying Paula and having a wonderful daughter and two wonderful grandchildren.

Hoping you are still keeping well, John. Remember me to Paula. Thinking about her always.

Regards, John

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